Have you ever met someone with whom you hit it off instantly? Someone you don’t know from Adam, but you feel as though you’ve known each other all your lives?
Whether it’s a potential romantic partner, prospective employer, or even just a new friend, I’m sure we’ve all experienced such a connection at least once in our lives.
But as we know, relationships are a two-way street. Even if you feel that there’s a connection between the two of you, you can’t be sure that the other person feels the same way.
So you can hardly be blamed for asking: When you feel an instant connection with someone, do they feel it too?
In this article, we will discuss why you tend to connect with some people more easily than you do others; why it’s important to know the difference between just getting along well and a true connection; and what signs to look out for to tell if someone feels the same connection that you do.
Why are there some people with whom we connect so easily?
It’s not hard to raise one’s eyebrows at the fact that you can take to another person so quickly, so easily.
But it happens. It’s not difficult to engage in conversation with them; you can relate to them and they to you.
Interestingly, there’s scientific research to explain this: this phenomenon, which we know as being “on the same wavelength”, is actually what is termed as “interpersonal synchronization.”
It can be when you have the same reaction or opinion on something – and a single look exchanged can say it all – or when you don’t know how, but you just know what the other person is feeling or thinking at that time.
In 2018, a study on brain syncing was done by neuroscientist Pavel Goldstein and a team of researchers from the University of Colorado Boulder.
In it, 22 heterosexual couples between the ages of 23 to 32, participated.
A slightly painful heat was administered on each woman’s arm, while the partner comforted her.
Brain activity was measured in both partners, and what they found was that the fact that when they were in each other’s presence, their brain waves synced, signifying focused attention.
What did this mean, really? The research showed that each partner mirrored the other neurologically with regard to the pain experienced and the efforts to provide comfort.
In yet another study, Dartmouth College researchers found that brain activity among friends while watching video clips was “exceptionally similar.”
The lead psychologist, Thalia Wheatley, noted that “we are exceptionally similar to our friends in how we perceive and respond to the world around us. You click more with friends than with non-friends, which fits with our intuition that we resonate with some people more than others. There seem to be neurobiological reasons for that.”
Of course, on a less scientific note, it’s also not hard to understand why certain people just click with each other.
In life, we are bound to meet people with whom we have the same or at least similar attitudes, beliefs, and interests.
And this certainly contributes to a freer conversation, a more likely meeting of the minds.
When there is a flowing exchange of ideas and thoughts – and you ask if when you feel an instant connection, do they feel it too – it may be safe to say that the answer is yes.
Signs the other person feels a connection with you too
Now that you have an idea of what a real bond may look like when you feel an instant connection, do they feel it too?
Below are some signs you can look out for to find out.
1) They reciprocate your effort
As I’m sure you know, reciprocity is key in relationships.
It’s even stated in Newton’s third law of motion – for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Simply put, the effort you put in will reap the effort you receive. Pretty simple, right?
In any type of relationship, when you both invest time, emotion, and effort into it, you’re more likely to want to take care of it.
In romantic relationships, you also need reciprocity in order to build a sense of commitment to each other.
2) They remember details about you or things you tell them
When you feel an instant connection, do they feel it too?
Chances are, they do – if they remember surprising details about yourself or things you share with them that you didn’t expect them to.
When they show interest in you by asking questions and follow-ups, or give you things to show you they were thinking about you, that’s an encouraging sign of that they feel an instant connection also.
It doesn’t always have to be material things, too.
For instance, I remember visiting an animal sanctuary with my family and there so happened to be sheep. I recalled then that a good friend’s favorite animal was a sheep. So, I took a video of myself feeding the sheep and the flock that rushed towards me, and sent it to her.
The gesture was well-appreciated.
3) S/he has open body language around you
Another sign that when you feel an instant connection, they feel it too, is when they have an open body language.
Part of recognizing a connection with someone involves reading subtler cues.
When s/he interacts with you with an open body language, it’s a good sign that they feel the bond with you as well.
But what does openness look like in a person? Here are a few things to look out for:
- Open and focused eyes
- Face and torso turned toward you
- Smiling or nodding
- Not cross-armed or in any position that appears to protect the torso or chest
- Legs and feet are pointed towards you
- Moves closer to you
It might be difficult to spot all these in your new friend while still paying them attention.
So instead of trying to check for these signs, perhaps the best way to invite openness in them is to be open yourself (remember: reciprocity).
4) They perk up when you walk into the room
Some people have the natural ability to command attention when they enter a room.
But it’s different when somebody you just met immediately brightens up when they see you.
It’s easy to spot – the lively eyes, the sudden grin or smile, they move to get up and greet you, and they seem to have their energy switched on.
When you feel an instant connection, do they feel it too? It might well be the case.
5) They find ways to spend time with you
Just like magnetics in proximity to one another, you gravitate toward each other.
When this person appears to always find the opportunity to see you, that may be a sign that they feel a connection with you.
They always ask you if you’re in the area where they happen to be, they ask you if you’re free on the weekend or for a special occasion, or they suggest for you both to set a date to hang out.
More than that, when you do agree on meeting up, they make time for you despite their busy schedule.
So, when you feel an instant connection, do they feel it too? It’s a yes for me.
6) You stay in contact with each other constantly
Even during times that you can’t actually be with each other, you stay in constant contact with each other.
In this technological age, instant messaging or keeping up with the other’s life on social media is the next best thing to actually hanging out.
In fact, some people even meet this way. Ask anyone who’s met their best friend or their significant other on the Internet, and they’ll tell you that an instant connection is totally possible across the miles.
When the other person is as present in your virtual life as you are in theirs, that may be a sure sign that when you feel an instant connection, they feel it too.
You need only to look at couples who make LDRs (long distance relationships) work.
7) You appear to be on the same wavelength
Sometimes we think of having an instant connection as being on the same wavelength.
And true enough, when you find yourself with that person, you’re able to anticipate what s/he is going to say.
At the risk of sounding like a cliche, you even finish each other’s sentences!
Other times, you even mirror their reactions and you don’t even realize you’re responding to their body language or their non-verbal cues.
8) They show empathy
When you recount sensitive or difficult experiences with this person, they don’t try to steer the conversation a different way.
Nor do they try to jump in and say “I know exactly how that feels because it’s happened to me.” In other words, they don’t make it about them.
Instead, they make you feel seen and heard, even if you’ve known each other just a short while.
9) They share secrets and inner feelings with you
Being chosen as someone’s confidante is no small honor.
You’re being trusted with holding this person’s most precious thoughts or feelings, with care.
Someone who doesn’t feel a special bond with you isn’t likely to do this.
So, when you feel an instant connection, do they feel it too? The likelihood is quite high.
10) You can feel it in your gut
Call it intuition, call it butterflies in your stomach, call it a gut feeling – whatever it is, when that connection you feel is so palpable you can almost touch it, that’s a hard thing to miss.
If you are wondering if they feel it too, try tuning in to their feelings.
Trust your instincts. What are they telling you?
How can you tell if you just ‘get along’ or if it’s a real connection?
In some cases, sensing that you might have an instant connection with someone may just be because you are very much attracted to them on a physical level – but that could be all it is.
You might also think this if the other person appeared interested, with an animated character, and courteous.
However, in the course of our lives, I daresay we don’t feel instant connections with every single person we meet, regardless of how well-mannered and pleasant they are towards us – or we to them.
So how can you know if that spark you feel is genuine or if it’s something more along the lines of getting on well with each other or attraction?
Below are a few signs that it’s more than just getting along with this new person in your life.
You feel comfortable being yourself around them
This part seems like a no-brainer when it comes to talking about feeling instant connections.
Have you ever noticed that when you meet somebody new, you tend to put your best foot forward?
When we meet new people, it’s only natural for us to want them to like us. As they say, first impressions last. And if we screw that up…well, not everybody gets a second chance at a first impression.
But with a person with whom you feel an instant connection, you feel at liberty to behave as you normally would, speak as you always do, and basically be free with yourself around them.
You always enjoy your conversations with them
Another factor for feeling a connection with somebody is having fun when you engage in conversation with them.
It’s easy to start conversations with them, and there’s never an awkward lull or wrong remark that puts them off.
In other words, you don’t feel the need to force it.
You always learn from them
One of the good things about meeting new people is that you have the opportunity to gain new perspectives on certain things.
With a person you feel you have a connection with, your conversations are not only enjoyable, but they offer value to you too.
When you spend time with one another, you might be exposed to new things, unconsciously adopting new habits, or even new ways of thinking.
You’ll know you’ve got a worthwhile new friend when these new things help instead of hinder your personal growth.
You respect each other
We’ve said it before, but we’ll say it again: respect is necessary for any relationship – old or new – to succeed.
No matter how either of you feels about a certain topic – especially the ones that can tend to stir up arguments or heat up a debate, like politics and religion – you’re able to set aside your differences and actually listen to the other’s opinions.
You come into the conversation without any preconceived notions and you come out with a certain respect for the other’s view.
It really feels like you’ve known them forever
I mention this right in the beginning of the article – you feel like you’ve known this new person all your life.
As I’m sure you can relate, we don’t feel like this about many people we meet for the first time.
But when that person feels familiar, feels like you knew them (or even were them) in a past life (if you subscribe to such beliefs), then it may well be a sign of a real instant connection rather than mere attraction or liking.
A note on feeling an instant connection
It’s exciting to know that when you feel an instant connection, they feel it too.
But in some cases, it’s easy to get carried away and become a little too “all about him/her”.
Be careful about this: you don’t want to scare him or her away, do you?
Remember, a person will often mirror what the energy they receive from other people.
If you exude an air of confidence and fun around that person with whom you feel a connection, then there’s a bigger chance that they’ll feel confident and fun around you too.
This goes for most situations – be open, and so will they. Be trusting, and so will they. Be empathic, and so will they. The list goes on.
Now you know what to be on the lookout for if you want to know that when you feel an instant connection, do they feel it too.
I think we can all agree that it’s an awesome feeling to meet someone we totally vibe with. In them, you have a friend you know you can rely on – and who believes in you enough to rely on you when they are the one in need.
But if it turns out that the person you feel an instant connection with, doesn’t actually feel the same way, take it with a grain of salt.
Just like the fairytale, you’ve got to kiss a bunch of frogs before you find your prince/princess (that goes for finding the right friends too).
After all, what is life all about but finding your own tribe and making every moment matter?